So now you are married and these mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness at the same time are giving you butterflies. Marriage is an adventure altogether and it is very important how do you start with it. Here’s a quick counselling for your first year in the marriage.
- Take time. Understand each other.
Give time to yourself to understand your better half. Note down their likes and dislikes somewhere and observe their pace of advancement in the marriage. If you have known each other before marriage learn how marriage is affecting him/her. Try and understand what is making them feel good and what is bothering them.
Tell your better half what you expect from them and know what is theirs. Build up clarity of wishes and wants. Suppose your husband needs you to be home a little earlier than you wind up your work, or you want him to call you periodically even when he is at work, tell that to him
3. This is your period of transition.
Marriage means a change of phase. So many differences and similarities are going to come in your ways. Try adjusting and compromising to differences and celebrating similarities. For example: If she is an early bird and you like to sleep till just half hour before you got to reach to work, Try waking early and helping her with breakfast. If some days you treat her with breakfast in bed, she’s going to fall for you even more!
- Be ready for CONFLICTS.
Though in the first 10 days you feel lovey-dovey and you let go the differences and give all the love! But…wait. Things are going to get a little delicate sometimes between you two. You are going to get annoyed and super annoyed. Try to talk things out or may be just try staying quite for a while. Take a few minutes space before approaching with anger. Arguments only worsen things.
- Learn to say “SORRY”
Sorry is a magical word when it comes to saving relationships. Understand that your relationship is more important than your ego. All the fuss will not matter later so if you just apologies and sort things that will bring much more value to you. Later on, when your spouse realize that in reality it was their mistake for which you were the sensible one to say sorry, they will fall for all over again.
Even if you have just called him to ask ‘what’s up’ just five minutes back, text him again with a cute picture or a meme. This will make him think of you and make him want to come home to you. Marriages often fade due to the communication pacing down with time. Come up with different ways to contact each other. Sometimes send him/her a handwritten letter by post when you are at work. This can work wonders for both of you and can even develop as a ritual that will carry on for life
7. Trust with anything and everything.
When you are married, there is no point of making each other jealous. Trust builds when everything is transparent. Declare that you are married on Social media, and introduce them to your friends. Be open with everything. Trust him/her when he/she says he is working late. Unless an obvious reason, don’t spy.
- Spend Quality time together.
See to it that even after 3 months to your marriage you are still going on dates on weekends. Plan day-outs and picnics. Go for vacations every once in a while. Go for a walk together every day or just join a Gym together. Working out together every day will also provide you quality time with each other. Build a checklist at the start of each month for the new restaurants you both need to try. Go for shopping together. Watch Netflix or any movie every day before going to bed. These things will make you enough time together without them feeling that you are clingy!
- Accept the ‘in-laws’
Yes, even if you think they are wrong don’t go running to your spouse and complaining about them. You have accepted their parents as yours, so behave with them as your own and let go insignificant things. Giving importance to the in-laws will make them respect you. Quick tip would be to remember their birthdays or anniversaries and planning out a get together that day. A little effort can go a long way!
- Gross things are going to happen
He is probably going to fart in bed. And eventually you are going to pick your nose in front of him. When you marry you accept their good, their flaws and all the gross things they are going to do while you live together for the rest of your life. Showing him/her that you are comfortable with everything will promote the sense of intimacy. Slowly and steady you are going to get the hang of all the gross things you both do, so why not now. So be gross together, it might turn out to be fun!
- Gifts and more gifts.
We know you are going to do something extra ordinary on their upcoming birthday. But…Everybody like surprises, no? Get something from amazon delivered to their workplace on an ordinary day. Or maybe just pick up something way back home. A box of chocolate wrapped up with love is never out of date. That shirt he said he wants to buy, or that earing she liked at the store you both visited last Saturday. Small surprises are a magical ingredient for strong relationships.
- Kiss every day!
Be it just a peck on his cheeks before he leaves for work or a Good Morning/ Good Night Ritual! Make sure you both kiss everyday even if some days you are not going along well, kissing will mend everything. If not everything, at least they will know that you love them a lot and no fight is bigger than the love.
Lastly, Congratulations for a happily married life you will hopefully lead!